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Kenny_n_Will
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Name: Kenny n Will
Location: Fredericksburg, Virginia, United States
Gender: Male
Interests: Kenny: 2 hour naps, cleavage, the Savage Brothers
Will: Mike Keaton movies, hot pockets, burritos, eggs benedict, Friends, Matt Broderick films, asking obnoxious questions at work, hating things.
Expertise: We work in customer service/support (read: "answering a telephone") at a business (read: Initech).
Occupation: Customer service/support
Industry: Business
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/30/2006
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| This is probably the last post that will ever go up on this site. No promises though, so, if you are the one who is checking in here from the Russian federation, keep coming back.
- At this point, Bill K has been married for a few years. He has a beautiful baby girl and he's about to finish law school. His days of quipping about Flavor of Love ended long ago and aren't coming back. Much love to BK.
- I only posted tonight because I wanted to make a facebook/twitter post, but thought this was going to be to many characters.
1:30 pm: leave work
2:45 pm: get told by an Asian dental hygenist(I know this is spelled wrong, but I'm too drunk to care) that my gums are receding in broken English. Had she read my chart, she would know, this isn't news. I, Ken, the dirtiest human in the world as far as apt cleanliness is concerned, is a little bit compulsed by my breath/teeth. I brush too hard and for way too long (up to 10 minutes at a time) and that's bad for me. I need to buy an electric toothbrush soon.
4:30: get home. Plans for the weekend include:
- Staying relatively sober
- Doing the dishes, cleaning my apt
- Most importantly, going to the DMV to get may car inspected
-- thought I've lived here for a year, I kept my PA inspection sticker because i thought that with plausible deniability, I would have been able to get by with my PA inspection. That inspection expires on Monday, so, I thought that I would get up on Saturday morning and TCOB
5 PM - 2 AM: Do nothing that will compromise my ability to be the first person in line at the DMV, ie take a nap, read online articles, watch the NFL draft/episodes of Cheers
2 AM: I've been trying to get rid of that bottle of Johnnie Walker Red, and I'm not going to be able to sleep without a drink, maybe I'll just have one to put me to sleep
2:05 AM: Ooooh, since I enjoyed Terriers, Netlfiix suggests other 1-2 season shows that were of OK quality but limited commercial success. The Black Donnelley's? Yes, please.
2:06 AM: Mixing the bottle of scotch of have with club soda
2:45: again
3:12: Really liking this Scott Smalls vehicle, out of scotch, I'll just crack open this bottle of Cherry Vodka i won in a charity raffle that I was planning to give away, it will go nicely with this club sode
4:15: out of club soda, but interested in another episode of Black Donnellys. This cherry vodka will be fine on ice. Respectable grownups do shit like this all the time without their wives leaving them and the judge barring them from ever seeing their children again
4:39: I should write a blog post about this. At the time I thought this was a good idea, there were at least 3 keywords that I had in my head that I thought needed to be shared with the world because they were funny. 12 minutes of typing later, I'm sure that none of those word were in this post. | | |
| Usually, I don't remember much of what I dream, but last night I had a couple dreams that were incredibly vivid. In the first, the Tampa Bay Rays and Boston Red Sox were playing a game in my grandparents front yard. The leadoff hitter for the Red Sox (for some reason I feel like it was Michael Bourn) hit a single before the 2nd batter smoked a double between the left and center fielder. The ball rolled to the side of my grandparent's porch past a lilac bush and was retrieved by the center fielder. There was no play at the plate with Bourn's speed, but whoever the second batter was tried to stretch to third because he thought the throw was going home. The throw went into third with the runner hung up, but the ball went out of play. The run should have scored, but the umpire inexplicably made the runner return to second. I guess I was cheering for the Red Sox and also a little drunk, because I started screaming and running around the porch. At this point, Joe Maddon, who was managing the game from the porch, started telling me to shut up and that it was a good call. I know it was Maddon because he was wearing his hipster glasses and wearing Joe Maddon's uniform, but he had a scruffy beard and kind of long hair that was the graying yellow color you would see on a white trash chain smoker. It was at this point, that I realized I was in my kitchen, drinking mile straight from the jug. I do not remember ever sleep walking before this in my life. I woke up at this point, because the game had to be called because of a physical confrontation between Maddon and myself and I had a become a pariah in the media because I ruined the game.
When I went back to bed, I started having a dream where I was in a high school English class that had too many desks in it. I was late for class, and when I got there there was a sea of desks in front of the door that I had to move around to get in. I was some kind of Vinny Barbarino in the class (because the one place I can be cool is in my dreams) and I talked the teacher into giving us until Friday to finish our book reports. I know that I was reading some famous book, but I can't remember what it was. In class that day (it was Wednesday), we were practicing for a trivia competition in which I was teamed with another student (a blonde who really wanted to touch my bird) and an older college professor type. One of the other teams had a hipster college professor guy with a soul patch who I heard spreading a rumor about E from Entourage having herpes. Appalled at the slanderous accusation against E, I blurted out, "E doesn't have herpes, Brian Austin Green does." Before I slowly turned to see Brian Austin Green looking at me with a dropped jaw. This is when I woke up 20 minutes late for work.
These dreamed had to be detailed solely for the BAG reference. | | |
| Last night I got super drunk and sent myself an email of a blog post at 5:42 am, presumably so I could edit it before posting it on here. It seems that despite the fact that I post once every 7 months, I'm still married to the editorial process.
Here is the email, without edit or correction of spelling errors. It barely contains a coherent thought:
As of right now, I'm sending this as an email to myelf insteasd of posting it anywhere. I had been planning to post every night at SXSW, but after writing half a post the first night and realizing how drunk I was, I abstained.
Tonight, I had 2 tall Manhattans (poppop's new sig drank) and 6 beerz
I just had an hour and a half discussion about my alltime 5 favotire albums, which is clouded by where I'm from.
What I came up with:
1: Grace - Jeff Buckley
2: Funeral - Arcade Fire
3: Is This It? - The Strokes
4: Astral Weeks - Van Morrison
5. August and Everything After - Counting Crows.
Not sure this would be the same in a more sober state, but I'm not ashamed of this list. (2 tall Manhattnas, 6 beers, it's 5 am)
---- I've been thinking a lot recently about how TV is consumed. Instead of 8 years, I watched The Wire in 6-8 months. I watched the first 5 seasons of the Sopranos in about a year and I've watched the first 22 episodes of Breaking Bad in the last 10 days. I'm pretty sure America consumes episodes in bulk rather than serial more now than it used to and it completely effects the way you see things. From everything I've seen, people love Breaking Bad. I'm super into it, and I won't quit, but I can't get behind Walt, only Jesse. Maybe that's a function of watching it quickly, or maybe not, but I don't get bahind Walt at all, and I fucking hate Skyler.
Sadly, my best example of this is Grey's Anatomy. Because it streams on Netflix, and because I'm a lazy ass hole, I've been watching it a lot lately. It was triggered by our loss in the softball playoffs, and I'm not proud of it. Certainly, I never intended to watch the show, but when I moived in with my parents after collgel, I was pretty hooked on DH. We taped it every Sunday and watchded it when we got home from bowling. That led to me watching it in the basement of my parents house after graduation. I discarded DH, but GA remained.
Frankly, if you watch Grey's (I've rewatched to episode 6 of Season 4), it's fucking terrible. Watching people fall in love ( George and callie, meredith and Derek, Cristinga and Burke, george and Izzy, Alex and Izzy, dead heart patient and Izzy) kind of works when you stretch it out over months. Hoever, if you watch it passivly, you can't figure it out. | | |
| - So I was just looking at the guide on the TV and Hung was playing on an HBO channel next to an HBO channel playing The Tooth Fairy. My brain put them together and I was disgusted by the thought of "The Hung Tooth Fairy". Also, a little intrigued by what the plot would be.
- Just started writing a script for The Hung Tooth Fairy.
- I've decided to use the phrase, "bedroom eyes" more often.
- My pops has really gotten involved with his job at the Penn State libraries. First of all, he hands out M&Ms to anyone who looks like they are having a bad day (read: 19 year old tightbodies). My mom recently told me that he has hundreds of fun size bags of M&Ms behind his desk. When I was home for Christmas, he told me that a couple girls that he had given M&Ms to before walked by his desk 3 times to say hello waiting for him to give until he gave them some more candy. To be fair, he knows the way to a woman's heart.
Apparently, at December graduation, two Asian girls came into the library in their caps and gowns so their parents could take pictures of them with him. He might be one semester away from getting a feature on himself in the Collegian, a publication that I tried and failed to get my name in (side note, one time Stiffler and I rode the Loop during a snowstorm hoping that it would crash and we would get our name in the Collegian for being injured).
One story that Pops told at Christmas time which will surely be the crowning achievement in his Collegian profile starts with him making t-shirts for his coworkers that say "Joe Knows Libraries" on the front. Pops, knowing the popularity of the "Joe Knows Football" t-shirts, decided these would be cool since the library is named for Joepa. On the back, a quote from the man himself which reads, "You can't have a great university without a great library" -- Joe Paterno. His coworkers loved them and one of the heads of the library took notice. They went and asked Joe and Sue if they approved of the shirts, and when they did, the Library had them licensed. They are going to give them to freshman who complete a scavenger hunt in the library. So basically, freshman all over campus are going to be wearing a t-shirt designed by the original Big Cat.
- I went to the Christmas Eve service at the church I went to as a child and that my mom has been going to since she was born. At the service, my mom sang with the choir, my dad read the scriptures, my sister and grandfather both sang solos and my grandmother handed out the programs. I had someone come up to me and say, "I haven't seen you in this church in years." Good times.
- I had a revelation about the selfishness of the Christian faith during the service, but I don't think this blog is the place to discuss it.
- Shoe hates my movie reviews, so last weekend, when I told him that I saw Youth in Revolt, he begged that I not write a review if it. I was going to write one to spite him, but I don't have much to say about it. When you try to squeeze a 500 page book into a 90 minute movie, it's going to fail. I thought Cera was pretty good in it, but he played Nick Twisp much more likable than the book. | | |
| - Yesterday, I went to a showing of "How Do You Know" (awful title) at 10:40 in the morning to see if Shoe's wife's scene as an extra was in the movie. It wasn't. Without Berl in the movie, I would describe it as forgettable to bad. The bright side was that I was out of there by 1 in the afternoon.
- It is pretty weird to go to a movie at that time of day. Lot of old people. I was sad when I was buying my ticket because 2 geriatrics were getting tickets to The Fighter and I figured they were in for a much better film going experience than I was.
- I know that my readers have voiced their disapproval with my movie reviews, but I watched five movies yesterday, so I'm going to go with it.
After "How Do You Know", I watched "The Fantastic Mr. Fox", which I thought was delightful. I was a little worried about Wes Anderson after Darjeeling Limited, but Fox was his best work since Tenenbaums, and I'm one of the few people who actually liked Life Aguatic.
I took a movie intermission then to go coach 2 different youth basketball teams to double digit losses, and returned to drink some wine. While drinking my first bottle of wine, I watch "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" which I hated. I thought the director did some interesting things, but this movie would have been better as a 20 minute short. Also, the lead actress was hot, but she had the least charisma of any actress I've seen in recent memory.
While drinking the second bottle of wine, I watched Kick Ass, which was a much better nerd turned action hero movie. This is probably my favorite comic book movie not involving Batman. Hit Girl was a pretty excellent character, though I'm not sure I would have loved this so much were I to be sober.
Following the two bottles of wine, I watched Love Actually which is amongst my favorite Rom Coms and Christmas movies. In fact
Top 5 Christmas Movies:
1. It's A Wonderful Life - reduces me to a teary mess every single year
2. Home Alone - still holds up, completely enjoyable to me as a 28 year old, just as it was when I was an 8 year old
3. Love Actually - if you drink 2 bottles of red wine, you will cry during the opening airport sequence
4. Bad Santa - Shit happens when you party naked
5. Die Hard - my all time favorite action movie
- Submitted my list to noisenarcs.com today for my Top 10 albums of 2010.
Honorable Mention: Titus Andronicus, "The Monitor", Lost in the Trees, "All Alone in an Empty House", The Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. EP, Delta Spirit, "History from Below", Phosphorescent, "Here's to Taking it Easy", and Dr. Dog, "Shame, Shame"
10. Vampire Weekend, "Contra"
9. Jonsi, "Go"
8. LCD Soundsystem, "This is Happening"
7. Kanye West, "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" with a special shout out for G.O.O.D Fridays
6. Beach House, "Teen Dream"
5. Surfer Blood, "Astro Coast"
4. Sufjan Stevens, "The Age of Adz" and EP "All Delighted People"
3. Sharon Van Etten, "Epic"
2. Tallest Man on Earth "The Wild Hunt" and "Sometimes the Blues is just a Passing Bird"
1. Arcade Fire, "The Suburbs"
- Last week, I finished the 30 for 30 series from ESPN films. Here's how I would rank the movies
30. "Unmatched"
29. "Marion Jones: Press Pause"
28. "Silly Little Game"
27. "The Legend of Jimmy the Greek"
26. "The House of Steinbrenner"
25. "Four Days In October"
24. "Jordan Rides the Bus" - Not having Jordan cooperate hurt this one
23. "King's Ransom" - Wayne Gretzky's move from Edmonton to LA
22. "Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL?"
21. "Tim Richmond: To the Limit" - would have been more interesting if anyone gave a shit about Nasca
20. "Little Big Men" - thought they just missed on this one, had a chance to be really good
19. "Straight Outta L.A."
18. "One Night in Vegas"
17. "The Birth of Big Air" - don't really care about the sport but Mat Hoffman is pretty incredible
16. "Guru of Go" - Hank Gathers footage still shocking
15. "The U"
14. "Fernando Nation"
13. "Without Bias"
12. "Run Ricky Run"
11. "Pony Exce$$" - thought this one was better than "The U"
10. "Once Brothers"
9. "No Crossover: The Trial of Allen Iverson"
8. "The Best That Never Was" - the Marcus Dupree high school footage was incredible
7. "Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knicks" - harder to stomach as a Knicks fan
6. "The 16th Man" - haven't seen Invictus, don't have to
5. "June 17, 1994" - really liked that this had no narrator or talking head interviews
4. "The Two Escobars"
3. "Into the Wind" - I didn't really know Terry Fox's story before this
2. "Muhammad and Larry"
1. "The Band that Wouldn't Die" - the story of the Baltimore Colts Band
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